Biography Of Marauder Shields
Marauder was the illegitimate son of a Palaven cobbler named Tynatus Health and his peasant mistress, Mary. Feeble as he was, born with one leg half the size of the other and six kidneys too few for a turian, his parents were undeterred from sending him to Palaven's most prestigious military boarding school, St. Garrus's School of Field Calibrations. Despite being routinely bullied for his poor reach while omni-bayoneting straw krogans and his lack of flexibility in "Tumultuous Turian Twister - Deathmatch Rules" (Palaven's national sport), Marauder developed an indomitable sense of optimism and the ability to telepathically move objects made of plywood with a volume lower than 37 cubic centimeters. It was these tough years that fostered his great character and internal strength that would one day distinguish him as the greatest living being of all time. Following the Great Xbox 360 Overheat of 2173, Marauder was awarded the highest honour any young turian cadet could hope for, the Vakarian Snibblet, in recognition of his efforts to save fellow cadets from the blaze by hovering them to safety on plywood boxes. Two years later, aged 19, Marauder was a local hero and quite the catch, despite his uneven legs and laughable number of kidneys! It was in this period that he met his true love, Beauregard, an asari matriach from Telford, Earth. Marauder and Beauregard's love transcended the cultural expectations of turian society, and defied nature by becoming the only inter-species, asari union to produce a non-asari. In total, Marauder and Beauregard had sixteen children, all of which were strong krogans. Marauder's ability to surpass the odds became legendary in the turian empire, with the man himself becoming an emblem of hope across the entire galaxy. Marauder had everything he had ever dreamed of, and the galaxy's ears poised to receive his every inspiring word. This all came to an end when Marauder was holidaying on the recuperating colony of Eden Prime. While digging a sandcastle with his krogan children, krogan-child-number-1 and the more oddly named krogan-child-number-768, he stumbled upon a Prothean Artifact, unseen by sapient eyes since an episode of Time Team, 50,000 years previously. The beacon pierced Marauder's mind, flooding him with images of the future; the gnashing of teeth, disgruntled Mass Effect players, and yet more awful films from M. Night Shyamalan. Tearfully, he came to a realistion of what needed to be done. He left his children stranded in an Eden Prime Nursery sandpit to make the ultimate sacrifice for the greater good. He offered his legendary skills to Harbinger, abandoning his identity as Marauder Health to be reborn as Marauder Shields, complete with an upgraded and frankly rather spiffing husk form. His influence won the Reapers many battles across the galaxy in their forthcoming invasion. His ability to lodge plywood in the engines of turian ships quite literally pulled Reaper asses out of the fire on no less than 2,786 occasions during 13 engagements. On account of his many critical victories, Harbinger personally requested Marauder's backup while attempting to kill Shepard during the fight that would ultimately be known as "The Great Fire of London II". Little did Harbinger know that the astute mind of Marauder had counted on this all along. As Harbinger fired the mortal blast at Shepard, Marauder used his telekinetic mastery of plywood to deflect the blast, explaining how Shepard was able to endure a blast that cuts through frigates like butter. As the overly confident Harbinger flew away because he wasn't being paid enough to spend longer than 2 minutes in the game, Marauder made his final approach towards the bloodied Shepard. Everything had transpired according to his plans. Marauder got close to Harbinger to get close to Shepard, not to kill "yumanity's" first Spectre but to save his/her gender inspecific ass. He was going to warn Shepard to avoid any more films like The Happening... and also to stay away from the controversial ending that awaited him on the Citadel, secondarily. Marauder Shields's ultimate sacrifice was about to pay off. He had let himself become huskified, served as the agent of Harbinger, and abandoned two of his progeny in a nursery sandpit in order to reach this moment. Marauder Shields. Son, lover, and father was about to fulfill his destiny, entering the annals of galactic and BSN history as the savio- But then Shepard shot him in the head, because Shepard sometimes hurts the ones who love him/her most like that. The End! Or is it?! Marauder Shields has passed into legend, but his story will be continued via DLC. Category:Mass Effect 3